zero 7 is also good

Try talking to you
While you do, while you do
I swap places with you
Just to see things through
Just sing me the tune
And you'll see
I'll keep it here for you
I'll wait for your cue

You wrote down all the words
Black and white
On a wall
Just keepin' it so
Yeah you know how it goes
No plans for a change, nothing strange
No not today, no way
Now sing me the tune

Cash it in and throw it all away
Never needed any of it anyway

ok so

thom yorke is pretty weird, and i'm not denying it. i'm sure he goes to the local hospital to look at sick people and stuff, and he makes lyrics like "yesterday i woke up sucking a lemon." but here's the thing: listening to radiohead is a fucking spiritual experience.

for a minute there, i lost myself.

~Passion 4 Fashion~

What I have to say needs to be written out longhand.

happy xMaz. mr. harry kotter !

-"Oh my gosh. We're playing for breast cancer."
-"I think you mean that we're playing for breast cancer AWARENESS. Or even a cure!"
-"Whatever...pink is like, the national color of breast cancer."
-"Yeah. Breast cancer AWARENESS. You don't want to promote various forms of cancer, you know?"
-"If there was a sunshine of gayness, I'd soak myself silly in it!"
-"Oh, Lord."

the paula deanda saga

I know I'm a hot hot shorty
But you gotta slow down (slow down)
You don't know me (don't know me)
I you're in a hot hot hurry
You gotta go now (go now), back up off me (off me)

oh lord. i kinda fucked upppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp tonight.

I'm going to Yah Mo Burn This Place To The Ground

there are no gd drinks in my mf house except for this lemonade that tastes like pee with a slogan that says "reverse your thirst" which doesn't even make sense because i want to quench my thirst not flip it around. i've been drinking tap water raskolnikov style, but i'm not addign any crystal lite: raspberry ice to it because i think it correlated to the three nose bleeds i got in the past week. here's the thing about nose bleeds: fucking strange. there is always a kid in your third grade glass, probably the one in the fly-eye glasses and maternally purchased cargo pants who has to interrupt the lesson because he has a nose bleed. again. but yeah, that crystal lite is good in moderation. it was like when i was up to watching a horror movie every night of the week (children of the corn, hellraiser 2, saw III, dead silence, jason x) and had a dream where i was killing people and didn't even realize it. it's funny because i am the least violent person this side of greenpeace.com and i see a lot of myself in jason voorhees. i love my fridaythe13forum so much. andy calls me a nerdy nerd give you lovin long time! because i'm now the current moderator of hellhole but like, you're the one who's always trying to organize lan parties and shit. that's my guy doe. shoutout.



sometimes i prefer typing in all lowercase letters, not cus i think i'm e.e. cummings (porn name: oh. oh. cummings) or some shit but i like the way it all fits. i got a job at the GLEN 10 movie theaters haha bitchessssssss! NO OUTSIDE FOOD ALLOWED! that would be contraband and i will promptly eat it unless it is tomatoes or kashi. i'm working on two school projects at once right now. fucking goddamnit! give me that rainbow writing and some non tap water and i will be pleased. and let school be over or else i will od on this carmex. by literally ingesting it. internal bleeding!

my favorite poem in the whole wide world

The Quiet World

In an effort to get people to look
into each other's eyes more,
the government has decided to allot
each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.
When the phone rings, I put it
to my ear without saying hello.
In the restaurant I point
at chicken noodle soup. I am
adjusting well to the new way.
Late at night, I call my long
distance lover and proudly say
I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.
When she doesn't respond, I know
she's used up all her words
so I slowly whisper I love you,
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.
-- Jeffrey McDaniel

they say my lip gloss is poppin, my lip gloss is coooooooo0ol

What in the blue hell is going on in this picture? It was in the Art Institute and I couldn't stop staring at it. The harpist in the middle is also the guy in 3-6 Mafia (Academy Award winners! Dope boy fresh!) - the one who had his bebe luV up from Nashville and she made an aphrodisiac out of sour cream or some shit. It reminds me of that one lunch table of really sad obese girls who put pink goop in their hair. Yes. The Pink Goopers of the world dragging a member of 3-6 Mafia back into the sea, while some goons sit in the VIP section with shells on their heads. I love the word "goon" almost as much as I love the word "banshee."

The lead singer of Architecture for Helsenki sounds exactly like Stuart from Mad TV. Evidence: His high pitched whisper and the lyrics like, "don't slide down the banister / be-causssse you'll injure / your googoo / and that's all some men have going for them."

It feels good to write again.

Welcome back, Professor Oak.

i can't form sentences correctly good anymore

Some Good Ideas (do not steal):

- Next My Mom

- Condiment Condoms: from mustard to soy sauce, yo flavor is ready

- Sleeping Beauty fairy powers transferred to my blood stream

crimson

and clover

over

and over

don't suck on fred's head...that's daphne's job

The other night I was at Tani's while my Burger King sat outside because that shit is XXX NONKOSH XXX and not allowed inside. I found this picture of him from eighth grade graduation with this man teddy bear and had to steal it. It was vital to my survival. Actually, I didn't steal it because it was in a decorated frame and looked pretty precious to his old man and like, my conscious was on overdrive. Point is, Tani, give me that goddamn picture before sell your five year old stripper sister to some water buffaloes.

I've been looking at Postsecret for the last couple minutes. Here are some particularly touching ones. Goddamn...this website really understands the human spirit. I need to go out there and pay $29.99 for a book of them all. I JUST WANT SOME CONNECTION!

You're the only one who stuck it out last night

The only other one who caught the other line

You're the only one when this world collides

The one that I can't deny

The Bakery

CLERK: Good day, Miss. What can I do for you?

CUSTOMER: I want to buy some gorgeous bread.

CLERK: Do you want a loaf of whole-grain blood or would you like some buttermilk booties?

CUSTOMER: Just a regular loaf with sesame baboons on textbooks on it.

CLERK: All right now, how about some nice Flavor of Love cake?

CUSTOMER: Well, I have 100 children, and they all like to eat sweet wild blueberries. How much are your cookies?

CLERK: We have Cooler Ranch chip cookies at cien dollars a pound. And we have this box of assorted little shaved pussies for only two dollars.

CUSTOMER: I'll take one. They look like they don't have more than THE NUMBER 23 calories.

CLERK: All right. That will be one box of Scooby-Doo fans, our special indigo berry pie, and a big family-sized loaf of astronaut.

a toad the power mower caught

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

diz iz y im hott

I have a confession to make, and it's not that I just licked the bottom of my Lean Cuisine tray for any excess peanut sauce. I saw Dead Silence (the movie about a ghost ventriloquist) today, and I liked it. It was decently scary, and I don't usually get scared in horror movies because I've seen so many of them. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but TOOT-TOOT! or WAA-NUU-GAH! James and Leigh are one "killer!" pair.

I'm going to this, y'all! July 6-8 in Indianapolis. Okay summer. We see you. Along with analyzing poetry and studying Euro.

sexy time

"To Catch a Predator" on Dateline is the most watched show among common woodland animals, including the owls who can twist their heads all around. It's basically the shit and has the most standard format that I've ever seen on a news show. It shows a snippet of an online conversation between a predator and a decoy underage girl (the predators have screen names like "luvs2eaturpeach") and they go along these lines:


luvs2eaturpeach: don't tell anybody about our rendez-vous. i could go to jail.
VulnerableUnderagedVagina12: good idea!
luvs2eaturpeach: just using my noodle
luvs2eaturpeach: so you can use my other noodle


then they show the predators creeping to the decoy's house and walking into the kitchen. The girl asks, "Did you bring my M&Ms?" and they pat pat pat their pockets. "Did you bring the condoms?" she asks. Pat pat pat. Then This Guy pops out of nowhere:




"So...you were planning to have a fruit salad party, weren't you, Mr. Loves To Eat Your Peach?"
"I was not gonna have sex with her."
"So why did you bring the condoms? Do you know how old this girl was?"
"Uh..."
"Thirteen. That is illegal. Do you know who I am?"
"No."
"Sure you do. I am CHRIS HANSEN, investigative reporter. You're on Dateline, and you've been caught."


At this point, the predator runs from the house and gets tasered on the lawn by the police, and then probably taken to jail. The whole thing shouldn't be so funny, because those guys should not be seeking young girls for sex, but it is. It would be amazing if you went into chat rooms with a seedy rooms and caught the Dateline people. And then you showed up with your own video camera and some confetti and say, "GOTCHYA, LIL FELLA! Two can play this game!" Haha! Power to the predators.

apathetic!

J'ai faim j'ai faim

child-->adulthood

I am three years old in this picture. I could probably get at least 10 bucks for the wild tortoise. Turtles can sell anywhere from $2 to $1000 on the Internet, even if they're Chinese. Same with feral children. It was the day that a giraffe licked me, black tongue and all. You know what they say about giraffes, right? Once you go black tongue, you do not get coal miner's lung!




This is me at the age of seventeen. As you can see, not much has changed. I still want to "Party All the Time" like Eddie Murphy and Rick James suggested back in the day. The best part of that classic comes during the timeslot of 1:04-1:07. Eddie Murphy laments, "I buy you champagne and roses, put diamonds on your finger" and Rick James says in this sultry banshee voice, "diamonds on your fingaaaaaaa." Oh man. It lands a spot on this list:

Things That are Hilarious That Words Cannot Properly Explain:

1. Rapidly rubbing the velvet ceiling of a car.
2. Those lines in the Trina song - "I can't even look at your face without wanting to slap you! / Damn I thank God I ain't get that tattoo" - that prompted my dad to turn off the radio and say, "jeez!"
3. Diamonds on your fingaaaaaa.
4. The fact that Hamlet sounds like a freaking Walker Brother entree.





AND now I'm going to be eighteen in less than an hour!

"If this is where the monarchy is headed, count me out! Out of service, out of Africa, I wouldn't hang about!" - Zazu's gay ass

this guns for hire, even if we're just dancing in the dark

My poor cat Kitty a.k.a. Big Kitty BK a.k.a. Queen Latifah is in mourning. She does not have the means nor the ability to conceive kittens, or else I'm sure she would've gotten some action from our Siamese main man, Ricky a.k.a. "Rickki" according to the stupid vet certificates (his last name is not Lake and he does in fact know who sired his child) a.k.a Mr. Marberry a.ka. Rick-a-lick a.k.a. My Mom Hates You Because You Took A Shit On Her Bed One Time. He is Siamese...and he'll please!

Anyway, back to Kitty's little problem. During the night, she takes clean shirts out of the laundry basket and carries it softly in her mouth, mrowing pitifully. Mroaw rowwwww. Fucking sad. It reminds me of a coyote's howl, except the coyote is the one affixed to the wall at Taco Bell and he's depressed because he wants a Gordita or a Chalupita or a Funkalicia and can't get any of those.

Taco Bell does not want you to get mono. This is a smart business move cus mono makes your pee look/smell like Fanta which is almost as gross as sucking cottage cheese out of someone's asshole with a crazy straw. And the cottage cheese is from Laura Ingalls Wilder's cottage in the Big Woods.

I'm averaging six posts a day on the Friday the 13th Online Forum. That's pretty nerdy, but not as bad as spending hours making videos of my Counter-Strike highlights to the tune of Kevin Federline's smash hit "Lose Control." Oh, I smell a hit with that one! Wait...do hits smell like used tuna? You know who you are. I'm trying this new diet of whenever I get a hunger pain, I drink Diet Coke or water. If I'm super hungry, I'll have an Arnold Palmer. That's also a lie.

Oregon is the most beautiful place you've ever seen. I swear, I'll take you there and we can swim in the cold mountain water and climb the pine trees, even the burnt ones from the last fire. There are guitar chords and Indian men with sticks with bells and little fishies that are just trying to make it down that stream. You and I are exactly the same, except you are convex and I am concave, so let us spoon in our different similarities. I will fill myself with your stories of my life and we will be happy.

i still go to taco bell, drive thru, raw as hell - fergie

Should this be in bullet points just for Kix (Kid Tested, Mother Approved)? Yes.

• My dental hygienist is the shit. First she told me that I should always eat large quantities of Swedish Fish at a time rather than taking smaller portions because then the sugar doesn't build itself up buttercup. Then she recommended me to an oral surgeon for my upcoming wisdom teeth removal and said, "All of these guys are good, but this one is spicy. If you're gonna have your teeth yanked out, then you should at least have someone easy on the eyes." It should also be noted that the oral surgeon in question is named "Sohledgebreg" and she circled the "oh" part.


• I hope the White Hen on Central never ever closes. It sells the Arizona Ice Tea product "Arnold Palmer."

I drink so much of this stuff that if they cut open my veins tonight, they'd find it swimming around in my blood. You know they approached him and were like, we wanna base a half iced tea/half lemonade beverage off your image, and Arnie Arn said, "Make it approximately the length and width of my dick." And then Arizona Iced Tea Inc executives were like, shit, we better make this stuff low calorie so it won't kill people because of how large the serving sizes are.

Q: What's a regional math team's preferred drink?
A: ARML Palmer.

Recently downloaded songs:

• "Breathe Me" - Sia
• "Making Memories of Us" - Keith Urban aka my mom's ringtone
• "Faust" - Gorillaz
• "Ghetto Gospel" - 2pac & Elton John
• "Glamorous" - Fergie (I mean, she is the Dutchess)
• "This Year" - Mountain Goats
• "100,000 Fireflies" - the Magnetic Fields
• "Nobody's Fool" - Avril Lavigne!

  I'm not the milk and Cheerios in your spoon / It's not as simple, here we go,
  not so soon! / I might have fallen for that when I was fourteen and a little
  more green /But it's amazing what a couple of years can mean

• Favorite Internet face (not emoticon, that's a silly word): :-*
• Favorite Internet face that looks like he's being raped: ;0

passion, it is true, is not quite the fitting word for what i wish to express, said hegel

My name is Hailey and I'm here to tell you about American Girl Dolls.


Some dress up as Plains Indians for Halloween and shoot anybody that comes near them.

Some are on that Hostel shit and no one is paying her. In fact, she is the one paying THEM!

Some are named Josephina and have blind people glasses when they go to the beach.

Some sit in dirty poses.



Some are used as evidence on Law & Order: SVU (dun dun.)


I have lately been talking back to the characters on Degrassi. Darcy just reminded Spinner about their vow to remain virgins until marriage. Spinner says, "Virgins. Yeah, totally." I say, "Haha! No!" and I didn't even realize it. It's like that time when I was in Panino's alone with my chicken and The Parkers or something was on the tv and Monique (my fucking hero) said something along the lines of "that ain't funny worth a damn!" and I laughed extremely hard.

currently: filling out an eharmony personality profile

I sneezed TWENTY-FOUR times in A ROW today. A fucking row. It was insane. It was almost like the time I drank a gallon of milk in a minute...via an udder of a young buck. (Bambi's father figure = Yung Buc = a real rapper's name?) Why don't I drink some Purell and chase it with a couple of my trademark sweet berry slushie Tums (tum tum tum TUMS). Now we can sit out on my veranda and watch the geese fuck each other in the ass and remember about the Pudding Seige of '92 and when we were happy. Ho He Ho! Hailey backwards is Yeliah, also known as QUEEN OF THE YETIS. Give me some fucking Laughing Cow cheeses and I will eat them all! I know they are the rich man's Cheez Whiz but why can't my mom stop buying POISON Dranks and get me some fucking mother LOLCOWOL. Goodnight from the fringes of my mind, goodnight from my bones which are infiltrated by the cold.