that he wasn't even an angel, just a liar with wings

Two thousand seven is about to be finis, finit, finito, and I have several exciting entries planned for the new year!, including but not limited to:
- weird gum that looks like it's shitting itself on the package (I'm looking at you, Denteyne ChocoMint!)
- why old people are quietly plotting the downfall of America
- ways to lose weight that may or may not involve Carmen Electra's striptease videos

yeah, well, csi: miami is the worst csi of all!

I'm so mixed up sometimes. Fruit cocktail...what a killer combo. Fruit + cock + tail.
My normal circadian rhythms have fallen by the wayside since I've gotten to college.

Do you think it's a blessing or a curse to have the ability to consistently entertain yourself?

Mon
Dec 17 Sunny
29°/20° 20%
29°F

The day I come home is the only valid "sunny" day in the entire ten day Chicago forecast. 
Never mind...! the fact that if all goes according to plan, my flight will land at 9:35 pm.
Bitch Fat Betch would be a hilarious name for a sorority. For girls who ask if butter is a carb and actually mean it and who relate to Winnie-The-Pooh a little too much.

and it's dark, and there is nobody driving, and something has got to give

Ursula from The Little Mermaid is the scariest fucking drag queen this side of the Mississippi, and I'm including those Memphis drag queens who beat the living daylights out of a McDonald's employee.

You'll have your looks! Your pretty face! AND DON'T UNDERESTIMATE THE IMPORTANCE OF BODY LANGUAGE, HA!

Little kids are the biggest tweakballs ever. I used to watch The Little Mermaid on the daily, then rewind the VHS and watch it again, as if it would alter the storyline at all. And I related to the character of Flounder (the wimpy yellow fish who has a disturbingly bulbous nose) much more than Ariel. My mommy was Ariel, and my dad was Prince Eric, and I was Flounder. Would The Vag Advantage be a good title for a book about the situations where women have the upper hand over men (i.e. getting out of gym class because of "cramps," benefiting from the acrylic nail industry, etc.)?

Finals Songs:
"I Wish My Baby Was Born" - the Be Good Tanyas
"Chemicals React" - Aly & AJ
"Since You Stole My Heart" - Saturday Looks Good to Me
"The Last Unicorn" - America
"Ballerina" - Leona Neass
"Love Stoned" - Justin Timberlake
"Ocean" - John Butler Trio

"Nothing gets me in the holiday spirit more than gigantic wreaths on the parking garage at O'Hare International Airport."

baby i'm bad news

My life has recently taken an interesting turn. The only comment I can make about this is that I can't wait to see what happens.