and it's dark, and there is nobody driving, and something has got to give

Ursula from The Little Mermaid is the scariest fucking drag queen this side of the Mississippi, and I'm including those Memphis drag queens who beat the living daylights out of a McDonald's employee.

You'll have your looks! Your pretty face! AND DON'T UNDERESTIMATE THE IMPORTANCE OF BODY LANGUAGE, HA!

Little kids are the biggest tweakballs ever. I used to watch The Little Mermaid on the daily, then rewind the VHS and watch it again, as if it would alter the storyline at all. And I related to the character of Flounder (the wimpy yellow fish who has a disturbingly bulbous nose) much more than Ariel. My mommy was Ariel, and my dad was Prince Eric, and I was Flounder. Would The Vag Advantage be a good title for a book about the situations where women have the upper hand over men (i.e. getting out of gym class because of "cramps," benefiting from the acrylic nail industry, etc.)?

Finals Songs:
"I Wish My Baby Was Born" - the Be Good Tanyas
"Chemicals React" - Aly & AJ
"Since You Stole My Heart" - Saturday Looks Good to Me
"The Last Unicorn" - America
"Ballerina" - Leona Neass
"Love Stoned" - Justin Timberlake
"Ocean" - John Butler Trio

"Nothing gets me in the holiday spirit more than gigantic wreaths on the parking garage at O'Hare International Airport."