thanks wikipedia

The first single from [Sisqo's latest album] is said to be entitled "Who's Your Daddy". It's rumored to be released in the summer of 2006. Other songs Sisqo has released over the past year consist of, In da Club, So Seductive, One Love, Really Real and One Finga In the Air. Some of which may or may not appear on his new album.

but now you realize he's not selling any alibis

I found the skankiest song ever:

I know them other guys, they been talking bout
the way I do what I do
They heard I was good, they wanna see if it's true
They know you're the one I wanna give it to
I can see you want me too

The young lady who sings that song is named "Cassie." Come on, Cassie. Go back to Dragon Tales.

Recently Downloaded Songs:
"take a bow" - madonna
"pussy got ya hooked" - three six mafia (devil worshippers!)
"a praise chorus" - jimmy eat world
"like a rolling stone" - bob dylan
"summer breeze" - seal & crofts
"what if" - coldplay
"tonight, not again" - jason mraz

So, I've had to do a lot of old people interviewing for the Historical Society, and, as a result of listening to old people, I started thinking about other stuff. How do we want to be remembered, if at all? This is why I'm going to do a new project - recording people's life stories. I've also found that most people, when given the chance to talk about themselves, will dwelve into such talk with great enthusiasm.

i hope you know that this will go down on your permanent record...oh yeah...?

I'm just going to finish this shit early tomorrow. I had to tell you that because it's a much better idea to update your blog than to finish your research paper that is due tomorrow.

Eight, eight, I forget what eight was for.

life is a state of mind

I am truly bummed about this paper. I care for it like the Pope cares for lepers. I care for it in the same manner that James Blunt cares for ugly bitches. I care for it so much that I want to be snuggling it in a baby formula commercial while it sleeps soundly in my arms, beautifully and fleetingly innocent, while I whisper lullabyes in its soft ears. I care for it approximately the same amount that a fat kid cares for "Fruit N Yogurt Parfaits" or, alternatively, "Fruit N Walnut Salads" at McDonalds on a field trip when everyone else in his class is eating fries. I really like songs that tell a story about losing your virginity, or, more specifically, "Oh, What a Night" by the Four Seasons. Now, since I am 1000% bummed out, I'm going to tell you the things I hate the most on this planet.

1. ignorance
2. static electricity
3. unimposed rhythmic clapping
4. tomatoes, because they are neither a vegetable nor a fruit and that is unacceptable
5. all dentists
6. when people think they have the authority to scrutinize your bad habits when you don't even want to talk to them in the first place
7. "Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?" - "Because she was a woman!" and any other variety of that kind of shit
8. this feeling I get in my eyes when I don't blink for a long time
9. sprained body parts

See, that's all I can think of at this point in time. I can make a list of maybe a zillion things I like to balance it out. I found this on the Forrest Gump messageboard on imdb and I was laughing harder than I did when a cancerous Mandy Moore died in A Walk to Remember, or, if you want to make it quick, AW2R.

''Mama always said life was like a box of BLOODY HUMAN EYES AND FINGERS!!!!''
'Hello. My name's Forrest, Forrest Gump. You want a BLOODY FINGER?!?''

Christmas carols rule when it's May and not December. Who would take a sleigh ride in this weather, Hilary Duff? Go come clean before you come to dinner tonight. We're snuggled up together like two birds of a feather would be...what a fucking racist!

Oh wow. Someone on the imdb boards wrote a poem about Forrest Gump.
Caramel, Fudge and Coconut Cream
Some tastes awful and bad
Some melt in your mouth like a dream
Forrest never knew Dad
But Mama’d told him something wise
That pulls you off the rocks
Above which you can quickly rise
Life is like chocolate in a box
By this she meant of course
Never know what you’re gonna get
Pulls you like a big horse
Forrest Gump quickly grew up now
Made friends with young Jenny
In the fields near her pappy’s plow
Problems he had many.
His legs didn’t work like a bus
And he was frankly dumb
But stupid is as stupid does
He didn’t bite his thumb
Yeah but at least he was alive
His health had one more hitch
With it he taught Elvis to jive
The problem you guessed which
His legs did not work right
But one fine afternoon
Some big boys attacked Forrest Gump
He was scared, wasn’t fun
But he didn’t stand like a lump
Yelled run Forrest run
Yes that’s what Jenny yelled to him
His legs started to work
Finally he could use that limb
He could run from that jerk
Forrest grew some more
He went through high school
He went to war in Vietnam
Where he met old Bubba
And where he met Lieutenant Dan
His gun felt like rubber
When it began to rain one night
It rained week after week
Bubba liked good old shrimp alright
Was all of which he speak
When good old Bubba died
And Lieutenant Dan lost his leg
Forrest went home and cried
Yeah but before that could be done
He went to the medic
He wasn’t in pain, he could run
Others more than headache
But in that sad hospital place
He learned table tennis
Could call it ping pong in this case
A master, a menace
Became really good at the game
A USO tour
He went on for it was his fame
Companies tried to lure
But he didn’t want to sponsor
Jenny was in college
Forrest went to see her one day
She was full of knowledge
She had changed in a drastic way
Jenny wasn’t Jenny
Forrest didn’t get it
Answers there weren’t any
Money there was a bit
With it he started shrimp fishing
Like Bubba had told him
But really he was just wishing
His hopes were really dim
But after a storm struck the bay
There were no others out
And Forrest caught that sunny day
He drew the shrimping route
Surprise surprise no leg
It was crippled Lieutenant Dan
Forrest Gump didn’t beg
The lieutenant was a kind man
He was there to help fish
Oh yes, oh yes that’s what they did
They became very rich
Bubba Gump packaged with a lid
As the good business boomed
Forrest thought about small Jenny
It was the seventies, drugs loomed
Times were changing for many
To mama Forrest went
For it turns out she had Cancer
And he was beat and bent
There wasn’t any real answer
As he sat by her side
One bright clear Sunday afternoon
She went right on and died
Before the crescent moon
Forrest ran far away from there
He ran and ran and ran
To where he didn’t really care
He was big time, this man
He got on all the nightly news
That wasn’t his intent
Was trying to shake off the blues
Besides he paid no rent
He did all this and so much more
This before we meet him
On a bench by a candy store
Chocolate he bought’em
He gave that candy to his love
Jenny of course young dove
But she told him she was pregnant
With his little baby
Oh yes that’s how the story went
Yeah Forrest Jr. was his name
Married, money well spent
Jenny died all the same
And still Forrest was a daddy
He did it by himself
To the bus he took that lady
He would give him his wealth
Though Forrest wasn’t smart, he had a hat
It was a logger on his head
And that’s all I have to say about that

The human world, it's a mess.
Life under the sea is better than anything they got up there.

We live in a modern society. Husbands and wives don't
grow on trees, like in the old days. So where
does one find love? When you're sixteen it's easy, like being unleashed with a credit card
in a department store of kisses. There's the first kiss.
The sloppy kiss. The peck.The sympathy kiss. The backseat smooch.
The we shouldn't be doing this kiss. The but your lipstaste so good kiss.
The bury me in an avalanche of tingles kiss. The I wish you'd quit smoking kiss.
The I accept your apology, but you make me really mad sometimes kiss.
The I knowyour tongue like the back of my hand kiss.
As you get older, kisses become scarce.
You'll be driving home and see a damaged kiss on the side of the road, with its purple thumb out.
If you were younger, you'd pull over, slide open the mouth's red door just to see how it fits.

Oh where does one find love? If you rub two glances, you get a smile.
Rub two smiles, you get a warm feeling.
Rub two warm feelings and presto-you have a kiss.
Now what?
Don't invite the kiss over and answer the door in your underwear.
It'll get suspicious and stare at your toes.
Don't water the kiss with whisky.
It'll turn bright pink and explode into a thousand luscious splinters, but in the morning it'll be ashamed and sneak out of your body without saying good-bye, and you'll remember that kiss forever by all the little cuts it lefton the inside of your mouth.
You must nurture the kiss. Turn out the lights.
Notice how it illuminates the room.
Hold it to your chest and wonder if the sand inside hourglasses comes from a special beach. Place it on the tongue's pillow, then look up the first recorded kiss in an encyclopedia: beneath a Babylonian olive tree in 1200 B.C. But one kiss levitates above all the others. The intersection of function and desire. The I do kiss. The I'll love you through a brick wall kiss. Even when I'm dead, I'll swim through the Earth, like a mermaid of the soil, just to be next to your bones.

- jeffrey mcdaniel

asdfghjkl;

This weekend I went camping. And I got my ear pierced. And I ate s'mores and skirt steak and walked ten miles to the mini-mart for more ice. And I made another stupid mistake but hopefully I can forget it by watching bloody movies and writing a research paper, which I have not started. I did okay on the ACT, but I have at least thirteen cavities, and my favorite Lynyard Skynard song is "Tuesday's Gone," my favorite color is rainbow, and my favorite person breaks my heart every single day.

quizes suck

The Soundtrack to Your Life Survey

Make a soundtrack for your life, matching songs with the following:

Opening song: "Magic in the Air" - Badly Drawn Boy

Waking up: "Kiss Off" - Violent Femmes

First date: "Peaceful Easy Feeling" - the Eagles

First kiss: "I've Just Seen a Face" - the Beatles

Falling in love: "Is This Love" - Bob Marley

Seeing an old love: "Nothing Better" - the Postal Service

Heartbreak: "Dry the Rain" - the Beta Band

Driving fast: "What Is Love" - Haddaway

Getting ready to go out: "Stielettos (Pumps)" - Crime Mob

Partying with friends: "Scenerio" - A Tribe Called Quest

Dancing at a club: "Sway" - Dean Martin

Flirting: "Lotion" - Greenskeepers

Feeling sexy: "You're So Damn Hot" - OK Go

Walking alone in the rain: "Lake Shore Drive" - Aliotta, Haynes, Jeremiah

Missing someone: "Life on Mars?" - Seu Jorge

Playing in the ocean: "Kokomo" - the Beach Boys

Summer vacation: "Box of Rain" - Grateful Dead

Fighting with someone: "House of the Rising Sun" - Animals

Acting goofy with friends: "Sunday Morning" - Maroon 5

Thinking back: "Tuesday's Gone" - Lynyard Skynard

Feeling depressed: "Blackbird" - the Beatles

Christmas time: "Sleigh Ride" - Hilary Duff

Falling asleep: "No Other Way" - Jack Johnson

Closing song: "Saturday Sun" - Nick Drake

what i love most about rivers is, you can't step in the same river twice

Here are some theories:

• If you push back on your eyelid hard enough, your eyeball will pop out
• People who drink milk on a regular basis are pansies
• Walt Disney was a Nazi because of his whack moustache
• There will never be a better idea than Pokemon, gotta catch 'em all

I'm listening to "Konstantine" by Something Corporate. Laugh out fucking loud!! This song sucks! It's like nine minutes long and freshman year I thought it was the most beautiful thing ever written. Here's some sample lyrics:


It's to dying in anothers arms
And why I had to try it
It's to jimmy eat world
And those nights in my car
When the first star you see may not be a star
I'm not your star?
Isn't that what you said
What you thought this song meant
And if this is what it takes
Just to live with my mistakes
And live with what I did to you
And all the hell I put you through
I always catch the clock... it's 11:11
now you want to talk
It's not hard to dream
You'll always be my Konstantine
My Konstantine
They'll never hurt you like I do
No, They'll never hurt you like I do
No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No

Actually, that got kind of sad at the end.

i'm your density...i mean, your destiny

Earlier, I watched part of a movie called In the Mix, starring Usher and the girl from the Lance Bass movie, On the Line. Looks like she has a thing for prepositional phrases! Anyway, there was one line in there that I truly cannot stop thinking about. I don't understand the context, the meaning, or what the scriptwriter was injecting when coming up with this shit.

"Must've been the collard greens that made me lose control."

Clearly, everyone's going to associate that sort of thing with flatuance, but I'm pretty sure bitch was trying to make a sexual inneundo. Which makes me think of having sex in Mr. McGregor's garden with a bunch of rabbits, which is illegal. I looked it up.

Another event that happened earlier this evening that is worth some form of notice is that my dear sister proclaimed that I was "really weird," shocking absolutely nobody. Here are some facts that back up her declaration, and there may be some things you never wanted to know, so your chance to back out is now:

• I eat Doritos in the shower whenever we have it around the house. It's really a glorious feeling, because you can get the "Cooler Ranch" or "Nacho Cheesier" seasoning all over your face without worrying about cleaning it up later. And, if the mood strikes, you can make some sort of goo concoction that sticks in your gums later. It's very Italian.
• I have a snowsuit that I bought at a New Hampshire thrift store that I wear a lot. When I put the snowsuit on, I become Mr. Duncan Hutchins, lifelong resident of Ogwalla, Nebraska. My mom says that this is my way of "not dealing with reality," but I think it's just a way that I am weird.
• The most delicious smell in the world is one of a freshly sharpened pencil. Barbeque, timber, the sea salt of Hawaii...all combined in your writing utensil.

Did you know most girls are really dumb? The proof lies in these little "icon" things

The first two are basically promoting illiteracy. The "Mr. Apple" one is just straight up whack. And look at what I found:

When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running in her mind. When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply. When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you will be around. When a girl answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds, she is not at all fine. When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying. When a girl lays on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever. When a girl wants to see you everyday, she wants to be pampered. When a girl says I love you, she means it. When a girl says "I miss you", NO ONE in this world can miss you more than that.

Words cannot express how off this little advice passage is. I can only speak for myself, but I'm not "thinking deeply" during the times when I am "not arguing." I'm thinking shit like, "when is this period over," or perhaps "I could really go for some applesauce and a grilled cheese right about now." Also, to quote the immortal Beach Boys, round round get around, I get around, and I've laid on my fair share of chests. That doesn't mean I want to be "theirs" forever. How bizarre would that be? Anyway, the point is, that shit is very wrong and not at all "cute" or "classy," not to mention "n" (I found it on "Cute n Classy Quotes.")

Here are some good songs:

"dust in the wind" - kansas
"my kind of town" - frank sinatra
"slippery people" - talking heads
"blister in the sun" - violent femmes
"hackensack" - fountains of wayne
"oh! darling" - the beatles
"taper jean girl" - kings of leon
"dress you up in my love" - madonna
"crazy" - gnarls barkley
"flake (acoustic)" - jack johnson