"a lifetime of happiness lies ahead of you" - fortune cookie

12 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Should Be Illegal:

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control are not natural.
2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people cannot get legally married because the world needs more children.
3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children because straight parents only raise straight children.
4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears's 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and it hasn't changed at all: women are property, Blacks can't marry Whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. Gay marriage should be decided by the people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of minorities.
7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are always imposed on the entire country. That's why we only have one religion in America.
8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people makes you tall.
9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage license.
10. Children can never succeed without both male and female role models at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to cars or longer lifespans.
12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages will for gays & lesbians.

FIN.

A Change Is Gonna Come.

On Halloween, my girls and I got to see Jedi Mind Tricks at the Fox for free, because that kind of service is feasible when you have titties and are wearing an extremely inauthentic Indian Maiden costume and you know a guy who knows the bouncers. The show was, in the words of so many neon-emblazoned snowboarder Boulder boys, "sick" - these guys are underground hip-hop but are also extremely politically conscious, which are two characteristics that are totally up my alley and down my block, so to speak. They also made jokes like, "you can't get any pussy if you're a fat rapper. Fat R&B singers...they get all the pussy," and then breaking into a quivering harmony sounding a lot like the end of "Love in This Club." They started that repetition game that's fun to partake in when you're at a rap concert, starting with "FUCK GEORGE BUSH!" (Audience: "FUCK GEORGE BUSH!") and "O-BAAAAA-MA!" (Audience: "O-BAAAAA-MA!") and I know it sounds silly in this context, but screaming that was the first time I felt a warm glimmer of confidence and faith that Barack Obama would be our next President.

I clearly remember the day Bush was re-elected in 2004. (Especially those fucking frightening chants of "FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS!"). I don't think I've ever felt so crushed and disappointed and powerless in my life. It was so frustrating that I couldn't even vote because I was only fifteen at the time, and because apparently the rest of the nation didn't think that CHANGE was as important as I did. I cried for a while in my dorm room, but then I updated my AIM info (oh, AOL Instant Messenger. What a hefty part of my social life you were for a while back then) to: OBAMA '08 in the largest font I could fit in the space provided.

Barack Obama gave the Keynote Address at the 2004 DNC. I'm pretty sure that "the audacity of hope" will someday be as nationally recognizable as "four score and seven years ago" is. It just completely embodied everything that needed to happen to stop America's downfall. And when he was done, I have been obsessed with Obama. (Although I am a Hillary fan as well and I would've happily voted for her if she had won the nomination.) This guy grew up all over the place and is so fucking intelligent and yes, he can inspire a nation to change their collective cynical political mindset to one of HOPE, but he has solutions to the awful mess our country is in. And honestly, I think one of the worst parts of the Bush administration is that they DELIBERATELY lied to and KNOWINGLY misinformed the American public about issues that we have the right to know about (side note: not like there's going to be any conservatives reading this punchy-ass-I-should-SO-be-studying-right-now blog post, but in case there are...if you try to dispute me on this, I'm gonna recommend that you check out What Happened by Scott McClellan (the former press secretary for Bush) from your local library and then try to talk to me.)

This is my favorite part from Obama's 2004 DNC speech:

"...there is not a liberal America and a conservative America -- there is the United States of America. There is not a Black America and a White America and Latino America and Asian America -- there’s the United States of America.

The pundits, the pundits like to slice-and-dice our country into Red States and Blue States; Red States for Republicans, Blue States for Democrats. But I’ve got news for them, too. We worship an "awesome God" in the Blue States, and we don’t like federal agents poking around in our libraries in the Red States. We coach Little League in the Blue States and yes, we’ve got some gay friends in the Red States. There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq and there are patriots who supported the war in Iraq. We are one people, all of us pledging allegiance to the stars and stripes, all of us defending the United States of America."

It's been such a crazy, long road since then. So much has happened since this speech. (Facebook campaigns! That New Yorker cover with Barack and Michelle dressed as terrorists! SARAH PALIN BEING ABSURDLY IDIOTIC IN HER INTERVIEW WITH KATIE COURIC!) The fact that the 2008 election is over and that Barack Obama is the WINNER is so wonderfully surreal to me right now.

Obviously, Obama winning doesn't mean that like, tomorrow, there's going to be standard health care reform and the banks aren't going to be struggling like scrubs anymore and gay marriage is legalized everywhere. But this is Step One to real change, and for the first time in a very, very, long time, I feel like this country is going to get better.

I could keep going on and on about this and what it means to me, but I have mad homework that I've been neglecting and it would be quite an intelligent decision to get crack-a-lacking on that, but here are some other thoughts about today:
- It's frustrating that Prop 8 passed, but I don't think it's that unreasonable to figure that same-sex marriage will be legalized in more places in the next couple years (New VP Joe Biden is like the HRC's ace in the hole).
- There were only two people ahead of me in line when I went to vote today (Precinct 152 CO what up!!!) which was a pleasant surprise because I was expecting at least an hour long wait and brought my crossword puzzle book with me just in case.
- COLORADO WAS A BLUE STATE this year which is HUGE. I mean, Boulder is always liberal (obvi - this is a town where 10,000 smoke weed on a college quad on April 20 this year) but let's not forget that this state is neighbors with Utah. It's pretty sweet that my vote helped color this state from abrasive red to bright blue.
- I wish Tupac were around today to make a new version of "Changes" -- "although it seems heaven sent / we ain't ready, to see a black President..."
- It is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING that somebody who happens to be of an ethnicity that has been consistently oppressed, exploited, and generally fucked over throughout our country's history, who were at one point NOT EVEN CONSIDERED ACTUAL HUMANS and ENSLAVED, is our new President. CBS showed footage of Howard University after Obama was predicted to win, and even though I can't fully understand how empowered and vindicated and amazing those students must feel right now since I am white (side note: I don't think anybody can truly and completely understand what kinds of daily discrimination a minority/ascribed deviant group faces unless you are a member of that group, although of course you can feel empathy and act as an ally against stereotypes and racism and believe in TOLERANCE and EQUALITY, duh). That is just so huge and oh man, this election will never leave American history books for generations until our sun goes out and humanity is popped like the dinosaurs.




This RULES, you guys! The only thing that could make this situation better is if Bad Bitch Cindy McCain (yes, I still love her, did you see her rocking the fuck out of that gold fit during her husband's concession speech?) decided to divorce John tomorrow and just continue to be rich and do her charities and do her thang. All the mamas who profit dollas! Throw your hands up at me!

Goodness, I am emotional right now. Time for productivity.
YES WE DID! Fuck yeah.