currently: filling out an eharmony personality profile

I sneezed TWENTY-FOUR times in A ROW today. A fucking row. It was insane. It was almost like the time I drank a gallon of milk in a minute...via an udder of a young buck. (Bambi's father figure = Yung Buc = a real rapper's name?) Why don't I drink some Purell and chase it with a couple of my trademark sweet berry slushie Tums (tum tum tum TUMS). Now we can sit out on my veranda and watch the geese fuck each other in the ass and remember about the Pudding Seige of '92 and when we were happy. Ho He Ho! Hailey backwards is Yeliah, also known as QUEEN OF THE YETIS. Give me some fucking Laughing Cow cheeses and I will eat them all! I know they are the rich man's Cheez Whiz but why can't my mom stop buying POISON Dranks and get me some fucking mother LOLCOWOL. Goodnight from the fringes of my mind, goodnight from my bones which are infiltrated by the cold.

do you always trust your first inital feeling?

how the faces of love have changed turning the pages
and I have changed oh, but you, you remain ageless
I turned around
and the water was closing all around
like a glove
like the love that had finally, finally found me.

french "phrase a day"

"Let's make some hot chocolate."
"Who ate all the cake?"
"I wear a medium."
"Excuse me, is there a playground nearby?"
"It's none of your business."

once upon a time i was falling in love, but now i'm only falling apart

"Total Eclipse of the Heart" is arguably the most emotional song ever written. This shit's like, seven minutes of turn arounds and teary piano drips. A few summers ago this woman who was living in the alley behind my townhouse complex freaked out and started screaming this song in the middle of the street, then homegirl let proceded her wonky breasts out to play.

Once upon a time, there was light in my life.
But now there's only love in the dark.

Turn around, bright eyes.

Writing these lyrics out makes me think of that time when we submitted "Pieces of Me" by Ashlee Simpson to the poetry publication at school.

On a
Monday
I am
wait
ing.

On a Tuesday,
I am
f
a
ding.

And by
WEDNESDAY

ican'tsleep.


There's a lot of stuff I want to do this year. They include, but are not limited to: capturing a feral child, hitting up Paul Finnegan's courtside Bulls seats, not failing math, listing the names of my favorite fonts, learning all the state birds (I just feel like that will come in handy), and I would really be curious to try that concoction that we did all the time in the summer before freshman year. (A bottle of "The Works*," a layer of aluminum foil, and an empty bottle with its cap. Put ingredients in bottle, shake and throw in the street. Run away. Listen for explosion.) I'm trying to go to Europe too, but we'll see as far as my legal tender goes.

*Not neccessarily available in Value Pack

i think it's time for you to find another dumb blonde, cus it's not me no no

New hobbies:
- ending words with thrice the number of concluding letters, a la Walterrrr Blaurockkkk
- stealing time machines

"You want just a little trophy hanging on your arm so all your friends will see you got it going on. But I see what you are so clearly, and baby, baby, that's not all right with me." - Hoku.

baby it's you

My insommnia has developed into a throbbing pain that is making me crazy. I just want to live under the covers in the yellow bedroom until I get struck by lightning. Then I remember that my grandma sold the house and it's like, alright. Can't anything stay the same for a while? Change is so hard. I know that statement has as much validity as saying "Life can occasionally be difficult," or "college applications are tiresome," but it's true. Why else would all those old pansies be writing into the Chicago Tribune, complaining about Marshall Fields switching to Macy's? Enjoy those tacos now, for in a hundred years, they will become illegal. Oh, I think we all know why.

blues song from grapes of wrath, circa 12/16/05

Well...
I spent four years
And now I'm out of jail
Well, I spent four years
And now I'm out of jail
I got nothin' to show for it
Except these cheap coattails

One night outside a dance
Herb came at me, completely sloshed
I took a shovel layin' there
Knocked his head plumb to squash
They took me to the courthouse
Sentenced seven years in jail

My folks, they didn't write me
Except for Granma's Christmas card
"Merry Christmas, purty child"
The cell block men laughed hard

McAkester ain't that bad
Ain't as bad as you would hope
Free food, free heat, free everything
Just don't drop the soap

i told my sister she should never smoke weed and then parallel park

I completely forgot how great the Sims is. I just made a lady named Madame Tuskers. She used to have a pet leopard, but now she has an outfit.

I did something stupid, immature, and probably illegal today. Alright!

i'm coming for they number one spot

For over 45 years, PAM® has made everything from stovetop cooking, baking, and grilling— just plain easier. PAM® works not just on the baking pan or the cookie sheet, but also on your spatulas and mixing bowls, too! With PAM®, your end dishes just come out better.

wouldn't it be nice if we were older, then we wouldn't have to wait so long

From eighth grade: Those "who, what, where, when: questions. The anti-drug" commercials piss me off. Just because the parents know where their kid is doesn't mean that the kid isn't going to do drugs I'd love to see these:
WHO: my boyfriend
WHAT: we're going to have sex
WHERE: his crackden
WHEN: when you suckers go on vacation
WHY: cus I'm a skanky whore, that's why!

I honestly cannot wait until Thanksgiving, because that's when the WLIT the Light is going to start playing straight up Christmas music on the radio until New Years. Which will definitely cut into the "Delilah After Dark" program at night, but I know she'll be back. Delilah is one silly nut. "My nephew, Russell, decided that for Halloween this year, he wanted to be a hedgehog. So I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and bought my sister a brown bathmat, and she just stapled it to his back." I almost died of laughter when I heard that. As in, cause of death: lol. While complaining about school is more or less a waste of everyone's time, I'm relatively sure I will not be taking the Euro test tomorrow.

burnt

I'm 88% certain that when I turn eighteen, my to-do list is going to look like this:
1. Smoke a cigar with my grandma
2. Get a tattoo of the Legend of Zelda Triforce on my hip
3. Win the lottery
4. Purchase pornography and give it to the little boys on my block

"That girl looked like a tree, I bet there are Keebler Elves making fudge in her RIGHT NOW." - Next

S Club 7

this doesn't deserve a title

I think I had a nervous breakdown today.

No, really, I did.

I smashed my phone.

I'm using my old one for now.

I don't know when this happened, but everyone in my life hates me. Maybe the weight of their hatred fluctuates from minor annoyance to pure, unbridled scorn, but that's a small detail. I think this hate comes from all the anger I have inside of me that I take out on other people because I'm never in control of my emotions. What's it going to be today? Obnoxious moxie or miserable sadness? Certain parts of me can't be fixed with medication.

Things I Am Tired Of In Alphabetical Order:

- allergic reactions that send me to the hospital
- bitches, whiny
- cingular wireless

early mornin, she wakes up, knock knock knock on the door

Why was the Victorian Age so freaking gay? My mom has a calender of all these scenes with rosy-cheeked fat kids playing weird musical instruments and gallaventing around. The problem with me and history is that because I am so deeply entrenched in today's popular culture, I have a hard time forging connections with characters who lived in the past. These Victorian kids and I have nothing in common, except for maybe the shared fact that we both look creepy with Helen Keller eyes. I don't care about how they worked in a string factory and lost fingers and I certainly am not going to give them a shilling or whatever for a delicious sweet lest they ever go hungry again.


"I'm Kori, I'm 19, and even if I weren't Jewish I'd still love me some gefilte fish!"
"I'm Mike, I'm 20, and I hope this girl is tall and blonde like me...except with a vagina." - from the MTV dating show Next

so

No, I don't want your number
No, I don't wanna give you mine and
No, I don't wanna meet you nowhere
No, I don't want none of your time

nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky

Isn't it funny how you remember seemingly insignificant events for a much longer time than you realize? For example, when my little sister turned eight, she got a card that had mice dressed as court jesters on the front; the inside said, "Let the merriment commence! Happy birthday!" Let the merriment commence! The next time I walk into an eight-year-old's birthday party, carrying two cases of High Life (the champagne of beers), that's the first thing I'm going to say. Or in fifth grade, when Tiffany Young asked me if I knew who Sisqo, of "Thong Song" fame, was. I said I didn't, and I don't think I've ever felt so white in my life. I had a dream where I broke my arm and had to get a purple cast, because that's all they had left. What does that mean? That I have no choice but to become an advocate for gay rights? Then again, I also had a dream where there was an acapella group called "Hot Cheese" performing "My Girl" in the dining hall of Hogwarts. I don't exactly care for people who feel the need to chronicle their dreams in any sort of media, be through a textbox or sign language or Morse code. Morse code has the illest dotz and dashez.

it's the truth even if it didn't happen

"You go skipping and prancing through life, skipping through a field of dandelions. But what you don't see is that on each dandelion is a bee, and on each bee is an ant, and the ant is biting the bee and the bee is biting the flower, and if that shocks you then I'm sorry."

your love is worth millions of treasures, but i can't even spare a dime

I've obtained a new bad habit. It's called "chewing on my watch strap as though I am an overseer with tobacco." It's not something I'm attempting to hide, either, which means I'm chomping away on my poor time-telling device at school, around respectable people. They don't need to watch such a disgusting act, but nobody's said anything to me about it so far. Senior year so far is okay, but not great. That used to be my catch phrase from age 3-10.
- How was "The Lion King 2?"
- Okay, but not great.
- Was that donut filled with pus as delicious as the Krispy Kreme commercials made it seem?
- It was okay, but not great.
I think you understand.

sunshine on my shoulders

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
If I had a day that I could give you
I'd give to you a day just like today
If I had a song that I could sing for you
I'd sing a song to make you feel this way

and i'd really love to see you tonight

August is always such a frantic month. In the beginning of June, summer is like an unpeeled, perfectly ripe orange that offers freedom for a short three months. By August, the Sunday of months, you're trying your best to squeeze the last juices out of that thing, but all you get are seeds of summer homework and random, weird hookups. And as we all know, seeds are not edible. Just like corn. And sour cream. I hate when people try to convience you that certain foods are delicious when in all actuality, they fucking suck.