baby it's you

My insommnia has developed into a throbbing pain that is making me crazy. I just want to live under the covers in the yellow bedroom until I get struck by lightning. Then I remember that my grandma sold the house and it's like, alright. Can't anything stay the same for a while? Change is so hard. I know that statement has as much validity as saying "Life can occasionally be difficult," or "college applications are tiresome," but it's true. Why else would all those old pansies be writing into the Chicago Tribune, complaining about Marshall Fields switching to Macy's? Enjoy those tacos now, for in a hundred years, they will become illegal. Oh, I think we all know why.

blues song from grapes of wrath, circa 12/16/05

Well...
I spent four years
And now I'm out of jail
Well, I spent four years
And now I'm out of jail
I got nothin' to show for it
Except these cheap coattails

One night outside a dance
Herb came at me, completely sloshed
I took a shovel layin' there
Knocked his head plumb to squash
They took me to the courthouse
Sentenced seven years in jail

My folks, they didn't write me
Except for Granma's Christmas card
"Merry Christmas, purty child"
The cell block men laughed hard

McAkester ain't that bad
Ain't as bad as you would hope
Free food, free heat, free everything
Just don't drop the soap

i told my sister she should never smoke weed and then parallel park

I completely forgot how great the Sims is. I just made a lady named Madame Tuskers. She used to have a pet leopard, but now she has an outfit.

I did something stupid, immature, and probably illegal today. Alright!

i'm coming for they number one spot

For over 45 years, PAM® has made everything from stovetop cooking, baking, and grilling— just plain easier. PAM® works not just on the baking pan or the cookie sheet, but also on your spatulas and mixing bowls, too! With PAM®, your end dishes just come out better.

wouldn't it be nice if we were older, then we wouldn't have to wait so long

From eighth grade: Those "who, what, where, when: questions. The anti-drug" commercials piss me off. Just because the parents know where their kid is doesn't mean that the kid isn't going to do drugs I'd love to see these:
WHO: my boyfriend
WHAT: we're going to have sex
WHERE: his crackden
WHEN: when you suckers go on vacation
WHY: cus I'm a skanky whore, that's why!

I honestly cannot wait until Thanksgiving, because that's when the WLIT the Light is going to start playing straight up Christmas music on the radio until New Years. Which will definitely cut into the "Delilah After Dark" program at night, but I know she'll be back. Delilah is one silly nut. "My nephew, Russell, decided that for Halloween this year, he wanted to be a hedgehog. So I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and bought my sister a brown bathmat, and she just stapled it to his back." I almost died of laughter when I heard that. As in, cause of death: lol. While complaining about school is more or less a waste of everyone's time, I'm relatively sure I will not be taking the Euro test tomorrow.

burnt

I'm 88% certain that when I turn eighteen, my to-do list is going to look like this:
1. Smoke a cigar with my grandma
2. Get a tattoo of the Legend of Zelda Triforce on my hip
3. Win the lottery
4. Purchase pornography and give it to the little boys on my block

"That girl looked like a tree, I bet there are Keebler Elves making fudge in her RIGHT NOW." - Next

S Club 7

this doesn't deserve a title

I think I had a nervous breakdown today.

No, really, I did.

I smashed my phone.

I'm using my old one for now.

I don't know when this happened, but everyone in my life hates me. Maybe the weight of their hatred fluctuates from minor annoyance to pure, unbridled scorn, but that's a small detail. I think this hate comes from all the anger I have inside of me that I take out on other people because I'm never in control of my emotions. What's it going to be today? Obnoxious moxie or miserable sadness? Certain parts of me can't be fixed with medication.

Things I Am Tired Of In Alphabetical Order:

- allergic reactions that send me to the hospital
- bitches, whiny
- cingular wireless

early mornin, she wakes up, knock knock knock on the door

Why was the Victorian Age so freaking gay? My mom has a calender of all these scenes with rosy-cheeked fat kids playing weird musical instruments and gallaventing around. The problem with me and history is that because I am so deeply entrenched in today's popular culture, I have a hard time forging connections with characters who lived in the past. These Victorian kids and I have nothing in common, except for maybe the shared fact that we both look creepy with Helen Keller eyes. I don't care about how they worked in a string factory and lost fingers and I certainly am not going to give them a shilling or whatever for a delicious sweet lest they ever go hungry again.


"I'm Kori, I'm 19, and even if I weren't Jewish I'd still love me some gefilte fish!"
"I'm Mike, I'm 20, and I hope this girl is tall and blonde like me...except with a vagina." - from the MTV dating show Next

so

No, I don't want your number
No, I don't wanna give you mine and
No, I don't wanna meet you nowhere
No, I don't want none of your time

nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky

Isn't it funny how you remember seemingly insignificant events for a much longer time than you realize? For example, when my little sister turned eight, she got a card that had mice dressed as court jesters on the front; the inside said, "Let the merriment commence! Happy birthday!" Let the merriment commence! The next time I walk into an eight-year-old's birthday party, carrying two cases of High Life (the champagne of beers), that's the first thing I'm going to say. Or in fifth grade, when Tiffany Young asked me if I knew who Sisqo, of "Thong Song" fame, was. I said I didn't, and I don't think I've ever felt so white in my life. I had a dream where I broke my arm and had to get a purple cast, because that's all they had left. What does that mean? That I have no choice but to become an advocate for gay rights? Then again, I also had a dream where there was an acapella group called "Hot Cheese" performing "My Girl" in the dining hall of Hogwarts. I don't exactly care for people who feel the need to chronicle their dreams in any sort of media, be through a textbox or sign language or Morse code. Morse code has the illest dotz and dashez.

it's the truth even if it didn't happen

"You go skipping and prancing through life, skipping through a field of dandelions. But what you don't see is that on each dandelion is a bee, and on each bee is an ant, and the ant is biting the bee and the bee is biting the flower, and if that shocks you then I'm sorry."

your love is worth millions of treasures, but i can't even spare a dime

I've obtained a new bad habit. It's called "chewing on my watch strap as though I am an overseer with tobacco." It's not something I'm attempting to hide, either, which means I'm chomping away on my poor time-telling device at school, around respectable people. They don't need to watch such a disgusting act, but nobody's said anything to me about it so far. Senior year so far is okay, but not great. That used to be my catch phrase from age 3-10.
- How was "The Lion King 2?"
- Okay, but not great.
- Was that donut filled with pus as delicious as the Krispy Kreme commercials made it seem?
- It was okay, but not great.
I think you understand.

sunshine on my shoulders

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
If I had a day that I could give you
I'd give to you a day just like today
If I had a song that I could sing for you
I'd sing a song to make you feel this way

and i'd really love to see you tonight

August is always such a frantic month. In the beginning of June, summer is like an unpeeled, perfectly ripe orange that offers freedom for a short three months. By August, the Sunday of months, you're trying your best to squeeze the last juices out of that thing, but all you get are seeds of summer homework and random, weird hookups. And as we all know, seeds are not edible. Just like corn. And sour cream. I hate when people try to convience you that certain foods are delicious when in all actuality, they fucking suck.

swan lake is the dopest shit!

I'm a god awful cook. I made EZ Mac and it turned out like cheese soup with floating debris in it. I washed it down with Welch's "Grape Drink," which doesn't exactly taste like grapes, and clearly the drinking part is implied, because it is a beverage. Now I'm bored and I plan on sitting around the house all day long.

da da da da da dum dum da

I truly can't believe that I got a 5 on my history test. I remember sitting at this very computer a little over a year ago, trying my hardest to squeeze out some shit about Jefferson's philantrophy and how every other American inventor to follow was just the poor, deaf, blind, and retarded man's version of him. I completed all of my summer homework the night before the first day of school. Does thinking back on the past ever make you think of the song "Oh What a Night" by the Four Seasons? As I recall, it ended much too soon. If they don't play that song at my wedding, I will have to choke at least eight bitches. I can't wait to go to Oregon. One of my favorite days in my life was when my grandma mailed the fourth Harry Potter book directly to the ranch. I rode my bike five miles to pick it up and carried it back with me in a florescant knapsack (as whack as that word is, it's the best description of that item-holder this side of the English language). When I got home, I cracked open an orange cream soda and started devouring the book.



Nobody gonna love me better
I must stick with you forever.

everything's not lost

my head just aches when I think of
the things that I shouldn't have done
but life is for livin'
we all know
and I don't wanna live it alone

double lame-o donkey shit

Tonight I'm going to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. I'm dressed up as sort of a lazy-eyed Thai fisherman with orange pants and gold shoes for this event. I sort of forgot about this little creative outlet because I've been ungrounded, and feeling liberated is one of the greatest experiences outside of childbirth or seeing a ghost or something. I feel like I should apologize, but maybe this will make you feel better.

i'm holding on, i'm strong

So the new girl on MTV is kind of a chump, but she's the kind of chump who lends me money sometimes. Re: I like her. Still, as Sister Maria told me at the School of Hard Knocks, mo money, mo problems. DON'T FORGET TO LOCK MY FUCKING DOORS, BITCH!