a word on sex from fifteen year old hailey

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Sex. I didn't do a Google image search on this one, because this is a family establishment, folks. Clark wrote a blog on this and I'm returning the favor. Where do I start. Oh yeah. Whether or not I'm a virgin is nobody's business but mine, and that's all I have to say about that. I believe sexuality should be sacred and respected, which is sometimes hard to do because sex is everywhere -- Abercrombie & Fitch bags, beer commercials, even that frickin suntan lotion where the baby's getting molested by the dog. This also came up while I was searching for "water babies". I think casual sex is disgusting. I'm not talking about prostitution, but getting it on with someone you just met an hour before at a party is taking it too far. This is going to sound really stupid, but I believe it's called "making love" for a reason. Sex should stem out of love, not the other way around. Lust. Clark said although it's a sin, it's hard for him because he's a guy. But who's to say that guys have a harder time containing lust than girls? I guess you could describe me as a sexual person; I'm pretty flirtatious and I usually make the first move. But when I first meet someone I'm attracted to, I'm not fantasizing about sex, I'm daydreaming about hand-holding and nervous laughs and all the other fluttery feelings I get when a relationship is new. I remember when my mom gave me my first real "sex talk". Not the egg and the sperm and shit, but how scary and damaging it can be if you're not with the right person. "First rule is that we don't lose our virginity to boys who don't call us back." I've made a lot of mistakes with guys before. I've been dumped for not putting out, I've been pressured to do things I wasn't ready for, and there've been a lot of false, hurtful rumors around about me. I know enough asshole guys and seen enough heartbroken, hysterical girls on a Friday night to make me want to pulverize ever straight man on the planet. I've been called a slut more times than I can count, and I do not enjoy being judged. You probably don't either. Some days, just the mere thought of boys grosses me out. You have a penis (the plural is penes, rhymes with beanies). Ew. I mean, you pee standing up! What the hell? Your genitalia looks like a long john donut. And where do you put it when you ride a bike? Thinking about one of those things inside me makes me want to puke. But I guess this is my biggest problem about being fifteen: sometimes I feel like I'm ten years old all over again. I'm not trying to give advice or put my values on anyone. I feel like a total dumbass typing this out because I told you, I'm really not good at this whole "being serious" thing. And...I'm done.