everybody knows it sucks to grow up

HOMESICKNESS: You're doing it wrong.

Things I Learned From the Historically Accurate Visual Masterpiece 10,000 B.C.:
1. Everyone in caveman days has T-Pain hair, including that bitch from When A Stranger Calls.
2. Cavemen are often named after characters in Diddy Kong Racing, specifically the living stopwatch who runs the time trials, Tic Tic.
3. There were ostrich raptors in cavemen days.
4. Saber tooth tigers (who I originally thought were contenders for the pimpest animals to ever exist, followed by the Gila monster or something) have the cognitive ability to tell the difference between the cavemen who save them from a watery death and the cavemen who just want them for their "Spear Teeth."
5. In cavemen days, you could get from the frozen Shackleton tundra to a weird jungle place to the dryer than "dried out apricot paper towel" deserts in mere days of walking! (Was that desert place Egypt? I thought they were gonna show some pharaohs and shit but it was just a mass slave uprising against these chola-like shamen.)
6. In cavemen days, wonky eyes were a sign of good fortune.
7. Wise women have seizures in which they can see the future and also can breathe life into bitches via mind control? (I'm still trying to figure this part out.)
8. Cavemen love caused the couples on both my left and right to make out consistently throughout the entire movie which reiterated the fact that I had a rainbow hat on and was stuffing popcorn in my mouth like a mf Build-a-Bear in stuffing transit and was like...extremely alone. Yay!
9. Killing a mammoth is akin to buying a drink for a cavewoman when it's not Ladies Night.
10. "There is more than one way for a prophecy to be fulfilled."

It was a hilarious movie. I actually couldn't stop talking in the theatre, which was super embarrassing cus people were actually riveted by this cavemen piece of shit. I mean, it had a narrator who was not Morgan Freeman and that was their first mistake.

You know you're Fat Ashley when: you Wikipedia various restaurants, including Old Country Buffet. That is based on a true story. Also...am I currently willing to waste enough time to redesign the CSS codes on this thing right now? Nah. Let me tell you something about Colorado weather: it is absolutely bipolar and bananas. It is mf gd Mommie Dearest. Today is beautiful and warm and I'm about to make my way down to Farrand Field(/Beach) for a little bit but later this week there's supposed to be snow again.

-"We're anti-label here! We're going against the corporate world!"
-"EXCEPT FOR OUR CLOTHES."