i think i like her like a metaphor, it's hard to get

Lonely in Montana. A/s/l.

I am certain that I have found the most badass roast in the past century. It's from President Harry S. Truman. Here it is:
"I never met you, but if I do you'll need a new nose and plenty of beefsteak and perhaps a supporter below. Westbrook Pegler, a guttersnipe, is a gentleman compared to you."

DAMN BITCH! I knew there was a reason why the Allies achieved victory in Europe a few weeks after you took office in 1945! And that was on your birthday too! Be my homegirl Tru Tru... please.
This was in a letter to Paul Hume, music critic, on the morning after a severe appraisal by Mr. Hume of a concert by the president's daughter, Margaret. It is dated Dec 16, 1950.

By the way, a "guttersnipe" is slang for "a purveyor of filth" and was originally used to describe dirty ass gutter-dwelling malnourished homeless folk back in the pre-Street Wise days. I know this because I checked out a book from the Norlin Stacks called Wicked Words: A Treasury of Curses, Insults, Put-Downs, and Other Formerly Unprintable Terms from Anglo-Saxon Times to the Present. I KNOW!


(Is that track jacket JUICY COUTURE?! Side note: Miley Cyrus has my boots! I have the boots she is wearing in this picture! I'm practically famous, basically.)

I also checked out The Psychology of Harry Potter. I just finished an essay comparing adolescent self-injury to situations in Harry Potter and applying the different reasons behind self-injury to wizarding characters. And it makes absolute, perfect sense dude! Dobby burns himself with an iron as a form of self-punishment for disobeying Master Malfoy. You-Know-Who must have gone through some xcore agony when splitting his soul into seven pieces and turning them into Horcruxes (I mean, one would be bad enough, but SEVEN?!). Harry undergoes Umbridge's twisted punishment and carves "I must not tell lies" into his HAND with each line he writes for hours on end. AND Harry decides against telling Professor McGonagall about this crazy shit, against the advice of Ron and Hermoine, and GOES BACK FOR MORE AT A LATER DETENTION. That is the interpersonal influence model of self-harm at work. To quote many Exeter theatre kids, way to stick it to The Man, HP.



The mix cd revolution is taking over! I've downloaded so many complete albums in the past couple days. Lily Allen's cd Alright, Still is helping me get through the night, along with my Social Psychology textbook. To quote a woman much wiser than myself, "[school] has turned me into a sexually frustrated hermit crab. Who says "fuck." A lot."

Shattered the lie, but you think I don't already know
Don't try to deny 'cause my fuse is ready to blow
Its your turn to learn, I think that you know where to go
It's a shame, shame, shame for you

an accurate depiction of how i've been feeling lately

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, and fuck you, I'm out.

Thanks Half Baked.

i'm not a hipster, i just happen to like death metal bands from inner city milwaukee

Dude dude DUDE I haven't smoked a cigarette all day! And as a result, my fingernails are chewed down to the brittle edges. Typing on my laptop feels more like I'm using my gums and blood than hands.

Bacardi 151 is seriously no joke. There are WARNING: FLAMMABLE signs all over that bottle. I was carrying some around in a water bottle with pineapple orange juice on Thursday night and some of it spilled on my desk and now it smells like I was trying to blow up the produce aisle in my room.

I am coming home on September 26. (The day after The Office season five premieres and also the day of birth of my Ex-Boyfriend Extraordinare). I wonder how many cigs I will abstain from between now and then. What a lousy way of measuring time.

come with me, my love, to the sea, the sea of love

Today is Veronica Claire Steege's birthday. She is one of my best friends in the whole world, but we didn't become close until the very end of senior year of high school. It's not very often when you meet someone who just understands you and can read your mentality and emotional state by something simple, like the way you open a car door or how long you spend doing your makeup.

I feel very blessed to have such good friends at home. I have the Sisterhood (which consists of Veronica and Cat and Kori) and all my guy friends and older people who I spent a lot of my time with in high school.

I dunno. I don't really like having this much personal information displayed on a silly public blog, but I love love love my friends.



This is what friendship for me is about (not capitalized and yeah, it's supposed to be a long ass centipede run-on sentence):
skyy and absolut from jewel, camel number 9s and red bull, coinstar, pita inn, long tv marathons including keeping up with "brooke knows best" and "i love money", thai sookdee in the rain, blowing smoke out your room with those eyeball cds, mix cds with mgmt, kimya dawson, will smith, old orchard trips and spending hours in bookstores, applying for jobs all over town, walking around downtown and running into so many people from the olden days, the yellow house on the corner of asbury and dempster, steak n shake (sometimes ending up in your purse), dogs that act more like spoiled little sisters than pets, dreamgirls (boys, we'll make you happy), all you can eat maki, sleepover the movie, racoons on my back porch and parmesan cheese scattered all over my kitchen, "curious" by britney spears, the milwaukee trip with benny hop and "no smoking" sign in alec's hotel room, mario kart at all times, taking shots in closets and sneaky rooms, burger king, grand theft auto, hating proactiv commercials, dying hair, lisa frank stickers from walgreens, becoming very familiar with side streets of skokie off of crawford, grape juice and "paradise city" from the bp gas station, TIMBER RIDGE and its hilarious names, drunk at parades (independence day and gay pride), banding together against a force of evil (it's like Harry Potter vs. Voldemort), purim parties at northwestern, phone calls to a hospital, all kinds of playgrounds and forest preserves, niles north juniors and that messy brownie battered house on noyes, chicken shack on the porch, unstoppable flip cup team getting down to flo-rida's smash "low", going across enemy lines, sneaking into movies, american apparel headbands worn across the forehead, parking garage tickets, great harvest free bread slices, the beach, freestyles from idiom, hating puzzles in tani's basement, "rick-a-lick, i can love you!", during winter break when they didn't card at new york deli and liquor and we got dmitiri grain alcohol and handles of malibu and 40s without any questioning, weeds on demand, sex and the city, investigation, chugging in parking lots, hilarious names for boys, running in the snow, almost cartwheels in the grass. This is love, this is friendship that will be around forever.

i know this is only a sitcom...but ugh, nobody can be that stupid

I dreamed that Barack Obama was my best friend and partied with us in Boulder. He was wearing a suit and an American flag lapel pin in the Smelly Deli, waiting for a pack of cigs.

Did you guys know that Cascada (techno diva wunderkind who already has the hits "Everytime We Touch" and "Miracle" and "Bad Boy" under her belt) dips mad mollie and rolls FACE whenever she performs live?

I won, so you lose.

still waters run deep

Torrents (both Bit and U) are eating away at the inside my computer. I imagine the damage is similar to that bitch shaving her legs in Cabin Fever. I guess it's what you have to sacrifice when you need the completed low rent Girlicious cd and a chicken sandwich and some waffle fries for free.

-"Who wants to do lines of birth control?"
-"Give it to Mama."

there's a place where lovers go to cry their troubles away

And they call it Lonesome Town
Where the broken hearts stay
You can buy a dream or two
To last you all through the years
And the only price you'll pay
Is a heart full of tears

I remember when I worked at the movie theatre the summer before freshman year. I was exposed to a lot of truly foul things, especially consessions. Did you know that nacho cheese comes in a plastic bag that has to be squished around like some unnaturally orange (seriously, this orange probably does not occur in nature) leftover liposuction? And that there are 10 grams of TRANS FATS per TEASPOON of that buttery topping you use to douse your stale ass popcorn? Truth. And I'll never forget the time I had a nervous breakdown because I got the most moronic customers this side of the Mississippi back to back. One lady armed with her spawn asked to see the cup sizes, so I put them on the counter in order - small, medium, large. AND SHE ASKED ME WHICH ONE IS THE MEDIUM. Maybe the one that's in the middle! And then the lady after her inquired if I could put a LEMON SLICE in her Diet Coke. This is Kerasotes Cinemas, cunt muffin! Not the fucking country club! Probably the strangest aspect of working there was that there was so much inner-employee drama of hook-ups and backstabbing. Incestuous fucking pool of popcorn cleanser and GBS kids. Weird shit.

My brain is slowly but surely becoming mashed potatoes. I think it should be at its prime around Thanksgiving. Deep breaths. That's wassup.

No need to cry about it
I cannot live without it
Every time I wind up back at your door

ride into the sunset, look back with no remorse

Oooh wee


I've definitely and throughly neglected this piece of medium in place of Twitter - yeah, I will admit it's way easier to just answer the FB status quality question "what are you doing" instead of coming up with anything original to say. Oh HAI I also dropped Physux. And “Drunk at the airport.” Can you think of a more fun phrase? Other than “drunk at the zoo"?

dirty frenchman

(Wine with olive juice.)

Sweet dreams y'all!

oh it's such a perfect day

I'm glad I spent it with you.

hear that beat when i make love

What do sushi chefs, hypnosis, and unpacked cigs have in common? Answer below!@
The Sex in the City episode where Carrie is all, "YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE ME" is on. She is sorry and knows that you can't forget what happened, but she hopes you can forgive her.

< not really that cool 3

I made a list of all the boys I've hooked up with. This is something I do not recommend doing, along with reading Facebook wall-to-walls of ex-boyfriends, or actually, reading wall-to-walls at all. There's a fucked up commercial for Mentos gum that involves a woman consuming water out of a dude's mouth in lieu of the office water cooler. And their tagline is "it's mouthwatering." If you ask me, they should've just stuck with The Freshmaker!!.
I feel so antisocial and fat and disgusting.

good song

Everything you know about me now baby you gonna have to change
You gonna have to call it by a brand new name
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me
Please please please don't drag me down

fluffy fingers

Best Yo Momma Joke EVER: Yo Momma's so stupid that when the weatherman said it was going to be chilly out, she went outside with a pot and a wooden spoon.

Here's a little survey that's been "wine"ding along the blogspot "grapevine" for a while.

8 Things I Want to Do Before I Die
1. Write a novel.
2. Joyride in a golf cart.
3. Travel to every continent (including Antarctica, I see you shining!).
4. Go to grad school.
5. Work in an adolescent psychiatric ward as an on-call therapist.
6. Climb a rainforest waterfall.
7. Have my team win at Medieval Times
8. Participate in a competitive eating contest.

8 Things I Say Often
1. Dot com
2. Yeah man
3. You can't just do/say that
4. Retarded
5. Awesome
6. Legit
7. No way
8. Like

8 Books I Have Read Lately
1. Beautiful Children by Charles Bock
2. Sex Signs by Judith Bennett
3. Ellingston Boulevard by Adam Langer
4. She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb
5. At Home in The World by Joyce Maynard
6. No Country For Old Men by Cormac McCarthy
7. I Know This Much Is True by Wally Lamb
8. Summer Sisters by Judy Blume

8 Movies I Have Seen Lately
1. 10,000 B.C.
2. The Ruins
3. Grandma's Boy
4. A Clockwork Orange
5. Dreamgirls
6. Alice in Wonderland
7. Hellraiser
8. Waking Life

8 Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over
1. "Tiny Vessels" by Death Cab for Cutie
2. "Stellar" by Incubus
3. "He Got Game" by Public Enemy
4. "Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect" by the Decemberists
5. "Karma Police" by Radiohead
6. "Steeples" (live version) by Dispatch
7. "Perfect Day" by Lou Reed
8. "Desolation Row" by Bob Dylan

8 Things That Attract Me to My Best Friends
1. They like to have fun
2. I know I have their support no matter what I do
3. They are all loving
4. They keep me in check, especially after I've had a few
5. They all have a great sense of humor
6. They understand that I don't always make a lot of sense
7. They make me feel lucky to even know them
8. They are lovely!

prompt your bitch ass

Use the word technical(ogic)

Absurdity inside a computer laced Lincoln Street – historical 1912 plate adorned on the front door. “Finder, you're such a character from a movie.” He is trying to technically fix up old forgotten software that was once used to power DisneyQuest machines. And as obnoxious as his mind operates, he did say something that lent itself as a consolation prize for my blown into pieces heart.

The sea mends...

Water, I've always thought, has enough silly beauty and powerful destruction to both save me and kill me. How many times have I wanted to wander out to sea and get swept away, ending up a beached whale thousands of miles ago...how can I do that without a successful concussion? So far, it's proven difficult.

You're somewhere full or nowhere

This reminds me of a Bright Eyes song. And no, it's not “I BELIEVE THAT LOVERS SHOULD BE DRAPED IN FLOWERS” or “THE KITCHEN IS COLD BUT THE COFFEE IS WARM” (or something like that). The last time I liked those bastards was at boarding school. “You went to boarding school?” Yeah, I did. Past tense before it even ended.

In debt or in doubt, we pull the world's muscle

Mmhmm. The world can stretch and fold upon itself for all I care. Take me off this stupid planet and crash land me into Mars. I can't write anymore – even my handwriting has gone from a sorority girl's print and cursive into a raving incarcerated lunatic's scrawl. The E! True Hollywood Story: Andrea Yates was on television in the hospital. What a kind of fucked up spa vacation that day was. For the first time in a long time I was fully relaxed and aware and things had clarity...

A border flew open

What can she say anymore? It is time to leave and run back to Chicago. It is time to finally admit that she can't handle any sort of productivity any longer and sends her case back to court for them to review and have a warrant out for her arrest

the sun is rising

Here is some poetry that presents itself as a giraffe's tongue: black and slimy.


Denial
It is a river in Egypt.

It's dark
Blacklight dark? Will ultraviolet evidence end up on a patchy hotel bedspread crawling with golden invisible bugs? Or are you accustomed to my shadowy figure enough to make out my sign language, where I can outline the veiny constellations for you?

It's ending
High school sweetheart ending? Or the last piece of blotted pepperoni pie that's been frosting in the fridge overnight ending? This can't be the last time I'll ever be able to kiss you. No wayyyy.

It's dead.
How dead? Fingernails and hair still grow when the heart stops beating. Force fed chickens, maybe the least intelligent birds in the entire animal kingdom, still run around without their heads. You know that Miracle Max can help, if true love is directly involved. Cyrotechnology has some up and coming advancements.

reactivated facebook!

Because...I know my life is just as fulfilling without it.

i'ma fight a man tonight

I need you like a heart needs a beat... too bad I have a pacemaker, bitch!

OMGQ. "Breakin Dishes" by Rihanna might be the most bad ass song ever. With obvious apologies to Celine Dion and "It's All Coming Back to Me." Princess RiRi for Senator.

Here's what's occupying my life as per usual:
muscle spasms that I can't control. Parkinson's fuck!
Tourette's Guy (who I am being for Halloween - copyright, do not steal)
Crystal Light
Waking Life
The words "festering cunt cave." Call someone that and see how they react.
Tanning aka sunburning on Farrand Field
the last post under this one's ass
pillows
peace
4/20 holler

hmmm

"and just to lay with you
there's nothing that i wouldn't do
save lay my rifle down."

you must be mad or you wouldn't have come here

We watched Alice in Wonderland last night. First off, Alice's eyebrows are incredibly chola.


Elbows up, side to side

And the White Rabbit gets not only his house effed up by a DODO (hello, extinct, way to add insult to injury) but the Mad Hatter's insane ass basically makes a cake out of his clock. I felt bad for him. The hookah addicted caterpillar has HUMAN HANDS, making it appear as though he's just some random homeless dude with a multiple segmented body wearing a costume. The Queen of Hearts is a man-looking dictator. And everyone knows those are the worst kinds of dictators. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum aren't in the original Alice's Adventures in Wonderland but they remind me of that Ani Difranco song anyway. Also, you know you're stoned when you over analyze this movie and have a running personal narrative about how the Carpenter is a Christ figure and the Walrus is John Lennon, even though that his self-proclaimed "I Am The Walrus" was made like a hundred years after Lewis Carroll tweaked Alice out.

I cashed my biweekly $150 yesterday, instead of putting it in my checking account like I usually do, which was really silly. I've bought so many arts and crafts. I guess I could up my income by selling these friendship bracelets or something.