But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

boyfriend

Pictures =)











I love him.

cigarettes

Pretty girls don't light their own.

I have been a chronic cigarette smoker since the summer of '08. (I am currently typing with a dying Camel Light -- oh wait, since the FDA changed shit up, they've been labeled "Camel Blues" because they don't want to promote a name like "Lights" being misleading; the fact is NO cigarettes are better for you than any others.) I used to only smoke when I drank, but the summer of '08 led me to drinking almost all the time. Veronica and I would cruise downtown Evanston, applying for summer jobs and then indulge in vodka lemonades or coke and rums, smoking Camel No. 9s along the way. The summer of '08 will always be remembered as one of the best summers of my life. But nicotine is quite addictive, and when I came back to Boulder, I had to have a pack on hand. Cigarettes are also significantly less expensive in Colorado than Chicago because of lower taxe rates, which only helped my justification for buying them.

I hate when non-smokers characterize cigarette smoking as a"habit" rather than an addiction, which is truly what it is. The unfortunate truth is, if I go a veritable amount of hours without a cig, I become Clifford the Big Red Dog + rabies + that crazy bitch astronaut driving to Florida in diapers + Jason Voorhees + Anna Wintour. Which equates to a cranky, unstoppable, angry human being. And once I smoke a cigarette, my body relaxes, my head clears, and I feel like I can function. I wish it wasn't this way, but it is. I plan on quitting upon graduation, and I know it will suck, but this is something I don't have the will or commitment to quitting as a 21-year-old stressed out undergraduate. And of course I know it's not good for me (a product that can/will lead to lung cancer is not condoned by me) but my affecting mental state is a little more important, especially as an individual with bipolar disorder. Sorry.

What pisses me off are comments like these, from an ancient Jezebel post that I recently came across:

• "I'm not an asthmatic nor do I have a sensitivity to perfumes and smoke, but I detest smoking. I think that if people want to smoke they can do it in private spaces. Why should non-smokers have to walk through clouds of smoke on the sidewalks (especially in the summer!) or get jabbed with lit cigarettes by drunk people in bars or even on the street (happens so often!)? Sometimes I want to bring perfume with me and squirt it at smokers to show how obnoxious it is. Smokers choose to smoke, I didn't, so go do it on your own time and in your own space."
• "I love the fifteen-feet from buildings and bus-stop law in Washington. I get to tell people smoking near me at the bus stop to step away finally!"
• "I don't mind smoking. I mind that someone else's habit makes my hair stink and my lungs hurt. Call me selfish..." (ok haughty mcsarcasmfail.)

To be fair, there's plenty of pro-smoking and balanced comments as well. But even when homegirl makes an articulate manifesto that I can't help but just say "word." to, such as this:

• "I think that a lot of the non-smokers on this thread who are threatening to " punch these people in the back of the head(with the crowd imploring the OP to "shoot a video and post it") "smack those people," or the ultra-mature approach of " carrying a water gun and shooting water" at people/cigarettes are just as distasteful and do not elevate the conversation. For the last time, for every inconsiderate asshole that intentionally blows smoke into the face of an asthmatic person, there are many of us who smoke only in our homes, or in designated places, and go above and beyond to ensure that non smokers are not affected by our decision to smoke.
  
  This whole thread actually reminds me of the "bad parenting" debates that occur on this site. A link is posted to an article that deals with a "generation of irresponsible parents," and some commentators condemn every single parent, assuming that they are all inconsiderate assholes who are unfit to "breed." This of course devolves into a shitstorm where parents try to remind commentators that, hey, for every entitled, selfish parent, there are many, many, many responsible, considerate, and generally decent parents out there while nasty, hateful comments about beating up children and calls for "retroactive abortions" are hurled back. A similar thing is happening here with the smokers versus the non-smokers, with the non smokers gleefully fantasizing about beating up smokers that happen to be in front of them on their commute to work, or becoming giddy over the idea of a vigilante squad of non-smokers armed with Super Soakers attacking smokers who are smoking on sidewalks, which, by the way, IS WHERE WE ARE TOLD TO GO SMOKE.
  
  Unbelievable."

there's a response like this:

• "...It's an offensive habit, full stop. I don't care what you do to your body, hell, an awful lot of people smoke like chimneys and are healthy as hell when they get older. It's not a moral thing. Smoking Sucks for people who are Not Smoking in All Ways. Some smokers forget that when they start suggesting they are being unfairly persecuted.
  
  Calling it Deviant and off the 'correct path' romanticizes it and sidesteps the issue of smoking's grossness, and screw that; James Dean most smokers are not. You are not being held down on your knees and being shot in the back of the head; people bitch about it because it sucks, despite some silly and unfair exaggerations. DAMN I love the bans. They are wonderful, wonderful things that makes going out much more enjoyable, comfortable, and less stinky.
  
  Oh, and sidewalking smoking sucks too, btw. Nothing like just walking down the street, outside, and getting hit with a stinky wall of smoke. It just is a fact of life, and hell, sometimes I stand outside and talk to the smokers at work because it's a good time to talk and chill. But I do wish they weren't smoking. Don't say it, but am definitely thinking it.
  
  *moves upwind* " (*expressing yourself through emotions gives 4chan users a valid reason to hit on you, you narrow-minded trollop* lUmI*).

The fact is, cigarette smoking in America has evolved from a socioeconomic transcending occurrence (from J.J . Astor to Walt Disney to farm boys and prostitutes -- everybody, from all classes, used to smoke ) to a dirty, selfish act that is rarely pitied. And yes, this is due to the fact that nobody could deny its health threatening risks anymore, and the Surgeon General let it be known that he did not approve, which is okay. I'm not suggesting that it's unfair or illogical that this switch happened. But cigarette smoking IS an act that has become deviant. And I don't believe that calling it that "romanticizes it and sidesteps the issue of smoking's grossness." It's hardly accepted by society, but I need to smoke somewhere.

Now it is time to get down to business and study for my Russian Revolution History final, which is tomorrow night.

God Bless Flash Cards.

My next goal is to get my MacBook fixed and quit biting my fingernails.

friendship is the best ship ever, except for best friendship, which is a little better

Last night I ate delicious eggplant at Lindsey's and then drank up Days at the Beach (Malibu, Amaretto, shirley temps syrup and OJ) at Bacaro. Now I just finished watching Silence of the Lambs (good evening, Clarice) and am chilling on Brett's couch. My natural habitat. Apparently a caribou's muzzle is completely furred. Going to tropical island on Sunday. Life is the dankness.

jason voorhees <3 xoxo

This adorable image tickles me pink!

posted here because it's over 140 characters

The new Pretty Lights album is ahhhmaahhZING, and I wish I could live inside a Daft Punk song. Or I wish I was the kid of dude who owns all the casinos on the Las Vegas strip. Imagine how sweet your birthday parties would be.