overhelming & impossible

I've been having mad vivid dreams again. Two nights ago, I dreamed that Obama won the election. With over 90% of the votes. Then he rode a victory lap around the country on Wind Whistler, this bitchass-kind-of-pegasus My Little Pony who says things like, "It's easy to be courageous when helping others!" If anyone, pony or otherwise, said that kind of shit to me, I'd vomit bile that tastes a great deal like chicken noode soup, mixed with a kilo of sugarcane and resin and breakfast burritos gone bad.

(Mad thanks to TiGGer.)

In my dream last night, I got stabbed three times in the stomach, in a strikingly similar fashion to how some guy got stabbed on The Sopranos, which is a good show if you like watching: A) consistent violence, B) incomprehensible babble aka strong Jersey accents, and C) heroin addicted real estate agents who get thrown off mob boss dicks when they're fully naked (super mortifying), to keep their mob boss Pimp Hands strong. I think I have to start watching it from the beginning to fully appreciate it. Same with Arrested Development.

Some things:

- Despite contrary reports you may have heard, hating Gwen Stefani is NOT homophobic, because she sucks so much! Rolling around in a pile of candy is not artistic. Working so hard every night and day and now we get the payback! Also, those YouTube comments are worth reading, i.e. "da 3 dots means CRAZY LIFE.. ICE CUBE ACTUAL GOT THE ACTUAL REAL TATOO SHE GOT A FAKE LIL PUT ON SPARKLY 3 DOTS.. FUCK DAT IF U REAL GET IT TATTED AND U A GANGSTA U GOTTA HAVE IT."

- Do you think it would be an improvement to the NFL if they had a legitimate Giant on each team whose goal is to battle the opposing Giant to the death, while the rest of the team plays the normal game (field goals, touchdowns, second downs et al) around them? I think it would truly mark the beginning of The Golden Age of Football. (Sorry about capitalizing random words, but by "Giants" I wanted to imply that these are twelve foot creatures who lumi (love u mean it for the ignorant) destruction and blood milkshakes - please don't confuse this definition of deviance with the New York Giants -, and "The Golden Age of Football" just looks like it could be a term paper title.)

- Guilty pleasures of late: soda flavored Lip Smackers, cheap Urban Outfitters sunglasses, library books.

I had a goldfish named Sunny who lived for over seven years. He was the Young Jeezy/Soul Survivor of the fishbowl species. This guy needs to be let free.

"Guess what my resting pulse rate is?"
"Two."